Well, I am happy to report that my experiment yesterday was a success! I will admit that I did step in and did a couple of things: I went with my brother to pick up Janice, and I drove her home myself. I cleaned out the candle holder for the dinner table. I dusted the living room. I made turkey soup from the carcass after everyone left. I emptied the third load of the dishwasher while Jeff was watching TV at 9 p.m.
But that is really all that I did!
It was a beautiful day and I was able to sit with everyone while Stephanie and Allison set the table and laid out the place cards (made by Stephanie) and made the side dishes. Because I was staying out of the kitchen I also got to watch the first 90 minutes of the Macy's Day Parade on TV with no interruptions.
The night before Thanksgiving I was within earshot of my husband Jeff going to his mom for help with the stuffing, and because I was "not participating," I was able to hear all kinds of inner conversations and thoughts about this. Also, because I had made a conscious effort to stand back from it all, I was able to actually let go of these inner thoughts and conversations. I was able to not take any of it personally as I once would have.
The same thing happened on Thanksgiving, particularly in the morning. I was given a chance to step away from the usual way I bury myself in kitchen chores to avoid socializing with my family as they await the meal. I was able to relax and do what I wanted to do on Thanksgiving (pretty much). When dinner was over, I went upstairs and laid down in my recliner with Minnie and meditated for 30 minutes, then read a good book. I had a two hour respite where I didn't feel obligated.
I realized something yesterday, because of this Experiment in Surrender: I don't like large gatherings where the conversation is very surface and social. EVEN if said gathering is my family whom I dearly love. I would much rather have smaller visits, one on one, two on two, where the conversation can go deeper, to a more soulful place.
On second thought, I didn't just realize this yesterday. I have known this for a long time. It's just that, yesterday, I was finally able to admit it to myself. Because I think I've always judged myself for not liking big gatherings of family even though I love each and every one of them. Yesterday I was able to stop judging myself because I was able to stop hiding in the doing, doing, doing that I am usually DOING at these gatherings.
So instead of getting closer to my family yesterday when I Surrendered Thankgiving, I got a lot closer to ME.
When we surrender (according to the dictionary), we are "giving up completely or agreeing to forgo especially in favor of another." Yesterday I gave up my old ideas of what Thanksgiving "should" be. I completely gave up my ancient beliefs about how much I had to DO in order to make a perfect Thanksgiving happen, in favor of the bigger picture. In favor of a greater connection to Spirit, who opened my eyes and brought me closer to my own heart.
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